two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
