we're chasing vodka with high fives
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
