Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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