I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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