And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
