I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
