I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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