i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
