Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
