Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
