It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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