I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
