yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
