so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize