I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
