so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
