I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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