There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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