Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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