Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
