Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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