My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
