In the future we'll all be gay
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
