Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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