i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
