i was born a porn star she said
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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