either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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