At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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