1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
