please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
