Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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