Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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