Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
