Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
