I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
