your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
