seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
