i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my liver is dry heaving
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
