wanna go halves on a baby?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
