drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
