I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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