She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
