i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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