Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize