I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
