Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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