bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
