her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
