I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
