Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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