You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize