This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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