3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
