Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize