who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
