We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
