Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
