I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
