I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
