do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
