What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
