I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize