just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
