you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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