sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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