mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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