you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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