Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
