i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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