i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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