In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
