How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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