He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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