I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
