i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
