you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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