I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
