dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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