Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
