She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
