is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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