Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
