yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
