omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
