I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
