i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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