So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
