Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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