wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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