seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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