how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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