Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
