??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
