she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
