um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
