My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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