so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
