i just had sex bonerless
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
