were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
