I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
